Hello.
Bill.
You Awake?
Hello?
Bill.
Come on,
not again.
Bill.
I have
a great idea.
Like coming
to Turkey to relax?
Dude, come on.
Get over it,
all right?
So, you got dumped
by your fiancée.
Big deal.
She didn't dump me.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I forgot.
While you two were taking
some time apart, she was off
banging other dudes.
Did you just call
to ruin my day or--
Actually, I called
to tell you that today
we're going to have
some fun, all right?
So, put on
a happy face.
And after my morning sex,
we are going to hit
the beach.
We'll see.
Hello, my American friend.
How you do,
you do, you do?
How do you do,
my Turkish friend?
Very nice.
You like some
breakfast?
Mm, Kamal, breakfast
of champions,
right here.
I see, I see.
Listen, listen.
You want
hashish?
Coke?
Opio.
No, thank you.
I don't need
any vitamins today.
Ah, I see
in your eyes
you want girl.
Sexy girl
I bring for you.
Nope, no girls.
I just had
my heart broken.
I hate girls.
You hate girls?
Understanding,
understanding.
Understand.
You want boys?
What?
Boys, boys.
Very strong boys.
Cheap.
Cheap?
Sheep?
You want sheep?
No problem,
I bring you sheep.
Kamal, I don't want
anything, okay?
I want to be
left alone.
To suffer.
You understand
what I'm saying?
Suffer.
Okay, okay, okay.
Why are you yelling?
I no understand
you American people.
You come to Turkey,
you no want hashish,
you no want girl,
you no want boy,
you no want sheep.
Who doesn't want sheep?
Why you people come--
Why you come
to Turkey?
Hey, there he is.
You ready to have
some fun?
No.
Yes, you are.
Come on.
Salam.
Hey, babe.
I got tea.
Tea time.
Thank you.
Come here.
Get out of here.
We're on the beach.
Bill.
Hey, Bill.
You want some tea?
Hey, amigo.
Andale.
George, why are you
calling him amigo?
He's not Mexican.
Mexican, Turkish,
what's the difference?
They all look stupid
with those mustaches.
Oh, my God, we are so
those Americans.
Yes, we are.
Hey, hey.
Super Mario.
Salam.
No salami.
Dos "watermelonos"
ice "creamos".
Oh, oh, ice cream.
Ice cream.
No, no, no, no.
Dos. Dos.
Two. Two.
Oh.
Ah.
Two.
Here, take
your Monopoly money.
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, hey, Bill,
you want an ice cream?
Whoa.
Bill, you ever tried
parasailing?
No.
Come on.
You don't know
what you're missing, man.
I'm scared
of heights.
Scared of heights?
It's like ten feet.
Who's scared of ten feet?
I am.
Come on, man,
you're doing it.
Come on.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
You are.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
That's the end
of this conversation.
I'm staying
right here,
on the ground.
Ouch.
Hey, amigo, make sure
you tie him up real tight.
El tightlio.
Is this safe?
Ahmed, tell him
it's safe.
It's safe.
See?
Last time my friend
flew with this,
he was this fat.
He-he is dead now.
Parasailing?
No, from cholesterol.
Isn't there some kind of class
that I should take to learn
how to do this?
What about a pamphlet?
You know, safety
regulations.
Oh, safety regulations.
Yeah, here you go.
Great.
Very helpful.
What the hell
did he just say?
Something like that.
Come on! Let's go!
This is a lot more
than ten feet.
Bring me down.
Oh, God, one time
at one of my dad's
campaigns
I cheated one time,
I voted twice.
I swear to God
I didn't mean to,
but I wanted him to win.
It's great being
a senator's son.
I swear to you, I'll never
do it again, God.
I swear.
I ripped
an extra chad.
I'm sorry.
Holy shit!
What the fuck
am I into?
Jesus Christ!
Look at that!
Hey, the rope, the rope,
it's about to break.
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Allah.
Hey!
Pull me down.
What's going on, George?
That looks really
dangerous.
Huh?
Nah, it's just Bill.
I think he's going
for some kind of world
record or something.
Hey!
Quit showing off!
Freestyling.
No, I don't want
to go up.
Jesus Christ.
He's way up there.
Look at him, he's
like an ant.
Crush, crush, crush.
At least he's
having fun, right?
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, shit.
No. No.
Oh, my God.
That's got to be a record.
I got to shoot this bad boy.
Are you kidding me?
What?
Hey, this thing
could go viral, man.
I'm talking
a million hits.
Psst, psst, psst.
Oh, I'm sorry
about your roof.
Are you guys Turks?
You don't need guns.
Put your guns down.
What?
Jesus Christ,
please don't shoot.
Don't shoot.
What?
Who?
Sorry, I don't
speak Turkish.
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
What do you want
from me?
Can you just
let me go?
My father is a senator
in the United States
of America.
I'm not Bin Laden.
Bin Laden's dead.
We got him.
What?
Sorry?
Yeah.
Look, I don't speak
your language.
I'm American.
Do you speak English?
English?
Bro!
I don't speak Turkish.
I speak English.
I need to make
a phone call to America.
Does anybody here
speak English?
Yes, American.
Yeah, I'm an American.
United States.
Goddammit,
what the hell's
wrong with you?
Hey, where are
you going, bro?
Come on, don't leave me, man.
I don't want to get hit
with another boot.
Mama.
Holy shit.
Buongiorno, signore.
Signore, buongiorno.
Alfredo, ravioli,
spaghetti.
I'd just like to use
the telephone.
Can you ask those guys
if I can use their telephone?
Brring, telephone.
Brring.
Buongiorno, signore.
Buongiorno.
Signor, buongiorno.
Buongiorno.
Buongior--
Okay, all right, you don't
have to keep saying that.
Do you speak English?
Uh--
Who are you?
Do you speak English?
Oh, my God.
Finally.
Finally someone
speaks English.
I don't know,
but for some reason
these maniacs captured me.
My name is William McKnight.
I'm an American tourist.
Why did you parachute
down to our village?
I didn't.
I was parasailing.
The cable accidentally broke.
What part of Turkey
am I in now?
You're not in Turkey.
You're in Armenia.
Armenia?
Where the hell is Armenia?
You mean like Glendale?
Why did they tie me up?
They think you are
a Turkish spy.
Me? A spy?
Those are the guys
who look like the Turks.
Specially him.
I don't like that old man.
You tell him he's an asshole.
And when I get back
to America, I'm going
to sue him.
Will you please save me?
I'm sorry, I don't--
I don't want to be
with Al Qaeda.
Tell him
I'm not a spy.
I told him but
he doesn't believe me.
Why are you here today
at the Turkish embassy?
Well, we've been retained
by Bill McKnight's family
to see if we can't expedite
the search for him,
so we're at the embassy
to see if we can get
some cooperation
from the Turks
and the Turkish government
in the search for Bill.
I am Hakhan Takhim
reporting from Yallah TV.
Oh, damn.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
Yes, slippers.
Oh, yes.
Hello.
Where is the key?
Yes.
All right.
No.
Stupid.
Idiot.
It was so stupid
to come to Turkey.
Ah.
Ouch.
Psst. Psst.
Hey, hey, psst.
You.
Hey.
Are you alone?
Yeah, what
are you doing here?
Shh, keep it down.
Is anybody here
with you?
No, but the entire village
is looking for you.
You got to help me
get out of here.
I swear I'm not a terrorist
or a spy or whatever the hell
they think I am.
I know, I know.
They showed you
on Turkish TV.
They did?
Yes, and everyone
knows who you are.
So, you're saying
they're just going
to let me go?
Yes.
Are you sure
about this?
Yes, yes,
I am sure, Bill.
You know, I never
even got your name.
It's Ani.
Nice to meet you, Itsani.
No.
No, no,
it's not Itsani.
Just Ani.
Oh.
That's a beautiful name.
Thank you.
What does
your name mean?
We used to have
a city named Ani,
and it was also known
as the city of a thousand
and one churches.
Whoa.
That's intense.
What does your name
mean, Bill?
My dad says it was
the first thing
he thought of
after he got
the hospital bill
when I was born.
Oh.
Makes sense.
Would you like to try
an Armenian apricot?
Don't you think
you should wash it first?
Don't be a baby,
just eat it.
If we wanted to kill you,
we would've killed you
a long time ago.
Is it organic?
What is organic?
You know, grown without
any pesticides or fillers,
you know.
Basically, something
you can buy at Whole Foods.
Well, yeah.
You know, I mean,
it grows on the tree.
Oh.
I guess
that will suffice.
Wow.
Wow, that is like
the sweetest thing
I've ever eaten.
That is how
Armenian apricots are.
Sweet.
Yes, sweet.
If your mother
doesn't want me here,
I can leave.
Where can you go?
I don't know.
Find somewhere
to crash.
Henhouse.
Oh, boy.
Why are you laughing?
Oh.
What's so funny?
My life.
This situation.
What happened to me.
I mean,
no one will
believe this.
The whole thing
is like a movie.
It's crazy, it's--
What kind of movie?
Uh, it's a tragedy.
But you are laughing.
Yeah, well,
it's a tragic comedy.
So, um, what is
the title of your movie?
Bill's
Awfully Amazing
Adventure.
Oh, yeah,
that's a very
typical American title.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Oh, you didn't like it?
No.
You got
something better?
Yes.
Okay, what is it?
How about, um,
Big Story
in a Small Village.
Oh, okay,
that's a little
too Armenian.
Oh, okay.
How about...Lost?
That's so dumb.
Why?
Because it is
a American TV show.
Yeah, you're right.
Yes.
It was good though.
Yeah, it was good.
You know,
the fifth season
is very confusing.
Yeah, people
say that.
How about
Lost and Found?
Why would it be called
Lost and Found?
Because it's a story
about a guy who's lost.
And during his adventure,
he finds what he is
looking for.
And you have found
what you're looking for?
Not yet.
So then why
would it be titled
Lost and Found?
'Cause the story
isn't finished.
What the hell is his problem?
What does he want from me?
What is wrong
with that guy?
Oh, God, nothing.
He's a psycho.
No.
No, he's insane.
No, no.
He's such
a sweet old man.
He's harmless.
Harmless my ass.
Guy's a sadist.
Jeez.
Okay.
Listen.
Can I just--
Can I just stay
here tonight?
I mean, right here.
I promise
I won't bother you.
I'll be gone
before your mother
gets up.
Okay.
Okay?
Okay.
But we have to wake up early
because I would like to visit
my father's grave site, okay?
Okay.
You mind
if I tag along?
Tag along?
I mean, um, do you mind
if I come with you?
Oh...no.
Okay.
Ani?
Thanks.
You're welcome.
It was 1991.
I was eight when my father
died during the war
with the Azeris.
He and my cousin Ashad.
Ashad was 15.
Twenty-eight people.
Twenty-eight people died
protecting our village.
Grandpa Matsak
lost both his sons
in one day.
And two days later,
Alexan's brother
was killed.
Now I know why
the people here
are so enraged.
We are not enraged.
All our lives we have fought
with Muslim countries
for our land,
and we have paid for it
with our blood,
and no one can take it
away from us.
The Azeris are just
on the other side
of the mountain.
Do you see the wire
that extends from mountain
to mountain?
We put them there
to stop enemy planes
from flying too low.
And when the war started,
I was a little girl.
At night it was
my responsibility to--
Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Come back!
Hey!
Oh, what the fu--
Oh, my God.
Stop!
Get off of her
or I will shoot.
Stay down
or I will shoot.
Stay back!
Stop! Stop!
Buongiorno, signore.
Buongiorno.
Wait, what's he saying?
He is saying that
you are very brave,
and that we respect you
for what you did.
Really?
Yes.
Tell him
I said thank you.
You're a good man,
Mr. Matsak.
Thank you.
War.
Okay, all right.
All right.
Hi.
This is a gift
from our village.
Thank you.
Hi, this is my seat.
Oh, thank you.
I hate
awkward silences.
Me, too.
I wish I could just
take you back to California
with me.
Show you we have
a lot of great historical
sites, too.
Disneyland,
Starbucks,
El Pollo Loco.
That's nice,
but I can't.
Why not?
Because my everything
is here.
My mother, my village,
my friends, my school.
Everything is here.
Ladies and gentlemen,
now please fix
the back of your seats
to the upright position
and fasten
your seatbelt.
Okay, well, I guess,
I guess this is it.
I guess.
Goodbye.
Bye.